How To Find Tranquility, Meaningful Productivity and Healthy Relationships – Lana Blakely

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Lana Blakely is a Swedish YouTuber and content creator who makes videos on life advice, self-care, and her personal journey, covering topics like introversion, making friends, and dating. Lana’s channel blew up three years ago with a video titled ‘a real day in the Life of an Introvert’, and her channel now has over 1 million subscribers. In this episode we talk about the Swedish concept of Ro, which means ‘peacefulness and tranquility’, our thoughts on the real meaning of productivity and relationships in the modern world. Enjoy!

Season 4 Episode 9

00:00 Intro
01:25 Quitting your job to do YouTube
13:34 Finding your niche & how your channel became so popular
28:32 What does the term introvert mean to you?
36:50 The concept of Ro
46:28 Tips on finding Ro in life and at work
58:30 Relationship reviews
01:03:10 Advice on dating
01:03:1 Dating experiences
01:13:31 Dating dos and don’ts
01:35:54 What are your thoughts on self-care?
01:31:26 How do you motivate yourself?
01:37:10 Journaling tips
01:47:15 Book recommendations

🔗 CONNECT WITH LANA

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📚 RESOURCES MENTIONED

Mark Manson: Why It’s Not too Late to Start Over After 30 –
Alonement: How To Be Alone and Happy –
Change Your Brain: The Power Of Neuroplasticity And Braincare –
The Courage To Be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi –
The Happiness Advantage by Shawn Anchor –
Lana’s video on grief –

📄SHOW NOTES & TRANSCRIPT

Visit the website for the transcript and highlights from the conversation –

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Somehow my philosophy in life goes back To rule essentially means that I always Want to feel like I’m coming back to a Place where I feel like I can rest and Relax and feel it calm on the inside Lana is a fellow YouTuber with over a Million subscribers and her channel is All about a little bit more of a chill Approach to life and a mindful approach To productivity in the episode we talk About a bunch of stuff including how she Grew her audience while still working a Full-time job we talk about Lana’s take On the concept of productivity and what It means to work towards your goals but In a way that’s actually Mindful and Enjoyable not just hustle culture Vibes Somehow we feel like if we have more of A calm approach to things we’re not as Productive you know it’s not as Efficient I can at least feel sometimes Like okay why am I not feeling too Stressed about this does that mean that I’m slacking even if I’m getting as much Done and getting it done better than I Would have had otherwise there is Something in me and maybe you and other People where you kind of feel like being Productive means that you need to feel Like you’re running around and we talk a Little bit about the challenges and the Ups and downs of online dating I don’t Really buy this whole thing it has to be A hell yes from the beginning does that

Happen I have a hard time believing People are like Oh Yeah from like the Moment I saw this person it was just Perfect and I knew I think most people Land somewhere in between Just a very quick thing before we get Started if you have not yet subscribed To the podcast either on YouTube or in Your favorite podcast app of choice then Please do it really helps us out a lot Lana you have just hit a million Subscribers so congratulations on that Front and my understanding is that you Started YouTube in 2018 so that would Have been when you were like 22 years Old yes what would what did your life Look like before then and how did we get To the point where you decided I’m gonna Film myself and upload a video to YouTube So I Was working in finance had Nine to five regular sort of job and I Always liked photography and I’m taking Photos just for fun and I’ve been pretty Creative I’ve liked writing and things Like that And so I was living in the U.S for two Years working in finance and some other Things and I was actually posting Vlogs From there but they’re not on my channel Anymore thankfully Um because I just wanted to try and see What I could

Create out of nothing I had no idea what I was interested in doing or talking About or if I wanted to be a vlogger or Someone who sits down and talks to the Camera And then I was like okay when I moved back home To Sweden I’m gonna give this thing more Of a try like I’m gonna try and actually Put some effort into the videos Um And I think even in Sweden my first couple Of videos which also don’t exist anymore I wear Vlogs and then I made a video It’s like a little short film-ish on my Channel which is like the first video That is up there now And I had a lot of fun and I think he Got 200 views or something and like five Comments and I was like wow that’s crazy 200 people watch this video and then That motivated me to keep creating more Videos and I did and here we are at a million which Is crazy so when you made that video That got 200 views did you still have The day job then yeah so you’re working In finance as well in Sweden yeah not in Finance more like a marketing ish and Then I quit my job but first I told Myself I was like when I hit like 30k That’s like reasonable to quit my job And then I was like that’s too far and

Then I was like when I hit 20K and 10K And then I just made it less and less And less And then I think I quit when I was at Like seven thousand so you had seven Thousand subscribers and he quit the dog And you quit your job yes surely you Weren’t making enough money to sustain That like how well what was the thought Process I was very lucky at the time I Was living at home uh and I had been Saving all my money to just be able to Sustain for myself for as long as Possible and then very luckily shortly After How long after maybe a Couple months I had a video blow up Um gaining like a million views to start With and then even more and that’s what Just took everything off and so the time From quitting to that point was Very short okay Um so that was I had the algorithm yeah Gods on my side for sure how many videos Did you make before like I guess roughly How many videos had you made before that Video blew up Not that many Maybe 10. oh including all the Vlogs and stuff Oh with the Vlogs yeah they’re no longer Up yeah Um maybe 20. oh wow okay so I’m kind of guessing Here I’m not sure but roughly so after a

Couple of dozen videos you had one yeah That blew up yeah that’s pretty good I Think yeah it’s really good so I’ve got a lot of friends who also live With their parents and don’t have many Expenses and who work in jobs that they Don’t like but they still feel the sense Of oh I can’t I can’t leave my job Because I need to earn money I need to Have enough like even though the Expenses are zero because they’re living With their parents Um What was it about like that’s it’s Pretty unusual to even if you are living With your parents and you have a job to Just suddenly decide you know what I’m making basically no money off of YouTube but I’m gonna quit the job Anyway so what made you like what were The dots that connected for you to Decide to I guess take that leap I think In one way it was a very hard decision Because I mean it was it felt kind of Dumb Um quitting having I mean YouTube paid Me maybe a dollar a month or not even That at that point Um and so on one hand I felt like this Is a very I’m taking a big risk here Um but I felt kind of safe because I had My degrees and I was like if things Don’t work out I can just still get a

Job so I had something safe to kind of Fall back on if things were to not turn Out well so that definitely helped Having that safety net And then they were just it sounds kind Of cliche but something in me was like You have to do this because if you’re Not going to do it you’re just gonna Keep thinking about it and thinking About it and you’re not going to let it Go and I was very unfulfilled at that Job that I had not that the job was Necessarily even a bad job I just Couldn’t stop thinking about YouTube and I became obsessed I would read about it And watch videos of people talking about YouTube and becoming a YouTuber and well Gear you should have and how you should Speak and what you should think about And I just became obsessed like every Lunch break that I had I would consume How to YouTube content and Um I think I just felt like if I continue Being this obsessed and wanting to try This thing so much and if I stay Consistent How is it not going to work out I think It kind of had that mentality nice yeah That’s great well yeah this is the thing I think it’s so true like if you if you Feel like you enjoy the thing and you Are consistent with it and produce Videos that are sort of vaguely getting

Better over time Like like it’s it’s hard to imagine a World in which it doesn’t at least work Out in some kind of way yeah that’s what I was I think thinking and If you my idea was is if you feel like You’re not really into it like let’s say You want to be a YouTuber but you’re Kind of like yeah it looks kind of fun But I don’t know I’m not very into it Maybe that’s going to be difficult Because you’re not gonna likely not Gonna see any growth or numbers and You’re gonna feel silly for putting in All this time when no one is watching You or caring about you Um so you think I think you need to Really Feel like regardless of how many people Are watching or engaging in the Beginning I’m so obsessed with this Thing that I’m just gonna keep going and Going yeah it’s about like enjoying Enjoying the journey and not just being Fixated on a particular outcome oh Absolutely Um Okay so At the time you quit the job did you Tell yourself I’m going to try this for A year or two years or six months like Or did you say I’m a Mr Beast of like I’m gonna be a YouTuber or I’m gonna die Like what was your approach to this I Think that’s what I was feeling uh but I

Told my mom because she was like okay Well How long Um I mean obviously you can still live At home but how long are you gonna be Jobless basically because I think no Parent you know wants to see their child Jobless Um And I think I told her like I’m gonna Give this a year or six months something Like that not too long Um and she was like okay sounds pretty Reasonable so I think it’s good to give Yourself some sort of a timeline Because it also motivates you in a way To really work at it and stay consistent And give it your all Did you have like a time when you Started Um I didn’t quit my job until like three Years into the YouTube thing I went so Like I was very much overlapping yeah And then the reason I quit was because I Was always going to take a break anyway And then so it all worked out fairly Trivially almost but I always feel like I’m I’m very risk-averse and so the Thought of quitting my job I’d have been Like like Even in a like especially in a Non-medical job I would have thought About off but there’s going to be a gap On my resume and like people are going

To be like oh you left your job and then It’s going to be harder for me to find Another job how did you think about the Whole Gap in the CVS I think that was The scariest thing and that was the main Thing some people try discouraging me Saying well there’s going to be a gap in Your resume and how is that going to Look for future employers I was like I’m Not going to need a future employer I Tried having that sort of mindset Because yeah you I mean you want to Think of the risks and what like having A plan B is important but you also don’t Want to make that your reality you want Your reality to be no but this is going To work out and it’s going to go great And I’m not gonna need any of that even Though you should be aware of that I Think Um So yeah I mean it was a big risk but I also feel like again having a safety Net and feeling like someone is going to Hire me even if I haven’t worked for a Few months I think I don’t think no one Is going to want me ever so it’s not That serious it doesn’t work out yeah I Think I think there’s a lot of um Fear mongering and in the sort of job Finding space where and I I guess a lot of the narratives that we Hear are that oh it’s so hard to find a Job in the current market and like it’s

So hard to get a job anywhere But I don’t know it like maybe I’m just So out of touch with how hard it is to Get a job but like basically everyone I Know found it reasonably easy to get a Job and maybe they might struggle to Find another one that pays more money But it’s definitely fairly easy enough To get a job and take a bit of a pickup And so really the risk in inverted Commas is literally just the Delta Between the job that you’re able to get Easily and the job you currently have Whereas I think a lot of people think of It as like oh my God I’m gonna be Homeless and broke and it sort of There’s a lot of it’s it’s easy to Catastrophize the situation and maybe I Mean it depends on your situation if You’re someone who you know maybe you Don’t have any safety net at all and Quitting a job that you struggle very Hard to get and maybe for some reason You know you’re You’re job opportunities is quite narrow Then you’re gonna have a lot more to Lose as opposed to if you have more so I Think it depends on your situation but It’s also thinking okay what would I Rather do do I wanna stay safe and Continue doing this job that I’m doing And you know be quite unhappy and Unfulfilled but safe or can I take this Risk without ruining my life if things

Don’t work out but the outcome could be Something very positive I might end up Very fulfilled and happy and doing Something that I deeply care about and I’m good at so it’s all the risk in Return absolutely thing it’s like Weighing it all up yeah just a quick Announcement from one of our sponsors And we’ll get right back to the episode And this episode is brought to you by Heights Heights is a brain care smart Supplement that I’ve been taking every Morning for the last 12 months I love it So much that I actually became friends With the founder Dan who we actually had On season one of the Deep dive podcast We also have an interview this season With neuroscientist and psychiatrist Dr Tara swart who’s the chief science Officer of heights and I like the Product so much that I actually became An angel investor in the company it’s Great everything they do is completely Evidence-based so on their website They’ve got a list of all 20-something Micronutrients that they’ve got in these Two capsules along with links to all of The various scientific papers and Consensuses on why these sorts of Nutrients are good for you and why They’ve got them at the appropriate Dosing which they have in the capsules In the capsules it’s super easy to sign Up you just go on the website which is

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Do you do on YouTube what would you have Said So I still don’t know the answer to that Question Um Still when people ask me what do you do On YouTube I’m like I don’t know I talk About things that I care about that’s Kind of my response which I mean I guess It is but it’s very vague like what does That mean it doesn’t really give an Answer to the question and some may may Say that it’s self-help but I don’t know Is itself maybe because it’s helping Some people so is that self-help maybe I Think I don’t really I think people can Define it as what They want some people come and saying It’s their safe place and some people Say they’re learning things and some People say you know it’s different for So I think my channel is what others Think it is and that just differs from Person to person back then it was just Exploring I mean I talked about a Variety of things I talked about uh Hookup culture and I talked about Self-improvement and I talked about Productivity and a variety of things and I still do to an extent so I don’t really know What do you think my channel is about I I also don’t really like I I feel like I Struggle to answer that question for

Myself as well because I guess we both Are sort of in that personal development T space yeah But within that we’re both fairly Broad In the sorts of topics we talk about Yeah and our audiences overlap a lot Yeah your thing often comes up as like You know your audience also works yeah Yeah me too so I think maybe just people Our audiences are just people interested In Bettering themselves or maybe they just Thinks even if they don’t want to better Themselves they just think listening to Topics about those things is important Or interesting I don’t know This might be a difficult one but like What do you think is it about your Channel that made it get so popular like Loads of people want to become personal Development YouTubers it seems these Days Um whenever I run my YouTuber Academy Like half the people who join want to Become personal development YouTubers Because they’re all interested in Personal development and it’s like oh I Could study I could become the next Alia Doll I could become the next Non-ablikely because I can talk about Personal development with my own twist And I don’t know like it strikes me that Realistically very few of them are going

To get to the million subscriber Mark so What do you think it is that that sort Of was it about your channel that has Touched a chord with people oh great Questions I’m like why do I have million Subscribers I don’t know but I think Um At the time when I was starting a lot of You that I was watching was quite loud I Think and quite Out there and a little bit not Aggressive but very like You know the hi everyone you know that Sort of intro and it was very Extroverted maybe I don’t really know How to define it and I think that wasn’t Because that’s not me as a person and in The beginning because when I was Studying how to become a YouTuber Um I came across a video saying you need To talk louder and be more you know Engaging because people are not gonna Watch and yeah that’s true for some People to an extent and I try that and I Just watched back watched the videos Back and I was like that’s not me at all It feels very Manufactured and strained and so I toned It back and started talking more like Myself a bit slower and you know some People really cannot watch my videos Without speeding it up I mean you Probably you probably could not I think I’ll watch you in about 3x speed or

Something yeah Um but some people well clearly more Than some people were drawn to that and Enjoy the more Kind of quiet slow down pace and style So maybe that’s part of it I think I Don’t think that’s As common as the more going louder yeah I think but it’s really hard knowing why People are watching you really Why do you think you’ve been so Successful Shooting at block right place at the Right time I think also just yeah but Okay yeah it it is hard to kind of Connect the dots um I think that At the time so around 2017 2018 I I Guess both of us sort of got into this Space around the same time so I started My channel in 2017 but anybody started Making I guess productivity type stuff 2018 2019. Around that time It was still a somewhat untapped market Like there were people who were big like Matt and Tom and Nathaniel And Joey but beyond those four there Were not many people in the space And so I think there was space for more voices To just sort of do the same thing Personal development from a different Sort of twist and I think I had the

Unfair advantage of sort of trading off The doctor thing but like hey I’m a Doctor and I do on the side and Therefore you should listen to me yeah Otherwise I hope the implication of some Of the stuff Now if I were to start a YouTube channel I don’t think I’d try and go straight For personal development because it’s Just too broad I’d probably go for like Finance or crypto or something and Really just try and have deep expertise In one particular area why because I Think it’s a lot easier to stand out When you have deep expertise in one area Because I think if I were a YouTuber if I were just starting out there’s no Unfair advantage that I have there’s Nothing that helps me stand out from the Crowd whereas if I just got really good At explaining crypto for example yeah Then I can do that for like a year or Two and then Branch slowly out into the Rest of finance and and I really like That sort of stuff but do you think that Would be as fun being more like because Now you can kind of make content about Anything you want I know we talked about This book about relationships that you Talked about and you talk about tech Stuff and productivity and finance and Do you think that’s don’t you think That’s what keeps it interesting as well That you can just kind of talk about

What you want I think I think so but I Think The way I see it is that that is a Privilege that you get to have once You’re already successful Like for example Amazon started out just Selling books if Jeff had tried to sell Everything from day one it’s not going To work so he starts off with books and Then slowly expands out and now Amazon Sells everything Similarly I think my approach to YouTube Would be to start off super Niche and Then slowly expand And because if I were a new YouTuber and I made a video of like 10 productivity Hacks no one’s watching it but if I made A video like something really Niche like How to program an altcoin on the salana Blockchain now there’s potentially some Search traffic and I could potentially Get some views that way yeah because Sometimes when I have an issue with like Premiere Pro or something very specific And I’ll look up that issue on YouTube And I’ll find a video of someone having Like a million views about something Very very specific that I thought I’m not even gonna find so yeah I think There’s something To it but I don’t know I think I mean I enjoy being able to talk about Multiple things but also sometimes I Think it would be a lot easier if I just

Had like let’s say I was just talking About relationships because then like The Right audience is really gonna find Me and they’re gonna watch all my videos Probably most of them because they’re All on the same topic and that’s why They’re there I think when you’re Talking about multiple things some People are like oh I like his Tech stuff But not his Finance stuff so it’s your Views can kind of fluctuate too so yeah I think it’s like pros and cons yeah What’s up what’s that how how do you Feel about the The View fluctuation with Your with your channel Um I think there’s always a balance between Finding or creating videos that you Really enjoy where you’re like I really Want to talk about this thing and it’s Going to be very interesting to create And the right people are going to Appreciate it a lot but maybe it’s not Something that’s going to get a lot of Attention because it’s just not that Type of video and then you have ideas That are more okay this is gonna go Pretty well like I’m pretty sure this is Going to perform well but it’s not Something very personal or super Exciting I enjoy making it but it’s not As like it doesn’t fuel me the way Something else might fill me so I think Finding that balance is difficult

Sometimes like do I want to get more Views or do I want this to be like Touch the core of my heart you know what Do you feel about oh I haven’t done yeah 100 the same yeah the same dilemma and It like I was watching a great video That Mark Manson put out the other day Where he talked about the price of Success and so and so he wrote These Like these two books which did like Ridiculously well like I think he’s Probably one of the best-selling authors In the space like in the in the last Generation but he said that because his Books was so successful he started Playing it safe on his blog and only Writing stuff he knew would resonate With people But the reason he was successful in the First place is because he wrote stuff That was a bit out there like the subtle Art of not giving a and all that Kind of thing And then he was like playing it safe and So he made a YouTube video basically Being like right I’m now going to become A YouTuber and I’m going to talk about Whatever I want and it seems like a lot Of like almost every creator that I Speak to who has the has this dilemma Between do I Pander to the audience or Do I do the stuff that I want to do and Like the middle the middle ground Between those two things and ideally

When you have the right sort of audience And the right sort of content there’s a Lot of overlap between those things yeah Like I know I’m like I’ve recently Bought this like just random typewriter A smart typewriter which connects to Wi-Fi and it’s just a type all you can Do on it is right now this is something I’m really excited about And there is like a small segment of my Audience who will be as well but it’s a Bit Niche like most people are not going To care about that and I have to kind of Be okay with that so how do you decide If you’re going to make the video or not My model is always that oh always a Strong word but like the model I aspire To have is if I think this will be Helpful to at least one person then I Make the video and I don’t care about The views nice and I find that the less I look at the numbers the happier I am Like for my last two videos I know They’re not doing amazingly and I Actually specifically have not looked at YouTube studio and whenever I find Myself like itching to open it I’m like You know what I don’t need to know Because whether or not the video does Well I’m glad I put it out because Did you know that this video is not Performing well how does that affect you Mentally do you still feel like you’re

The worst person in the world and or how Do you feel about that I feel like oh This is the beginning of the end I’m Fading into irrelevancy No One’s Gonna Watch my videos I’m gonna become Homeless and broken alone yeah what’s it Like for you I’m the exact same way I’m Like I so sometimes when a video is Performing really bad I’ll call my mom And I’ll be like Mom I’m just gonna Start applying for jobs this is not Working out no one cares anymore and I Just kind of spiral and then I you know Try again next week as I post one video A week and if two videos in a row are Not performing well that’s what I’m like Okay my CV is like getting ready to be Sent out because this is not working Anymore and there’s been so many times Like that but then you have a video Where it’s going well again and so just Not quitting and being consistent Is so important because you’re going to Want to quit like quit I think a lot of Times if you do this long enough Um but just keep going yeah Yeah I think the way I think of it is Um after loads of journaling definitely Want to talk to you about journaling Because you just read to skillshot class About journaling yeah a bit more Generally Um but I I often Journal like whether It’s by hand or on computer and after

After several thousand words I arrive at The conclusion of you know what I can Just make videos about what I want and It’s fine and right now it’s working and If it’s if it ever stops working then I’ll just get it done I’ll figure Something out yeah like the The worst case scenario is not Catastrophic yeah so I think just Reminding yourself of that even if Because I think I mean you get so Comfortable I think you can relate to This doing this job because it’s you Have all the freedom and it’s so Enjoyable and it’s a dream like Sometimes I can’t believe that I get to Do this like I can’t believe I’m just Able to be here and this is part of my Job is chatting with you it doesn’t feel Like That should be a part of a job because It’s too enjoyable and so I think There’s always a fear of what if I lose That and what if I go back to having to Do something that I don’t enjoy and That’s scary but then again you can only Do your best and hope that people Continue to resonate and find you Interesting and valuable or what you Have to say interesting and valuable Yeah let’s go with let’s go away Just a quick message from one of our Sponsors and we’ll get right back to the Episode and this episode is very kindly

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Why are you out with friends and I got Me thinking like this is Like it’s getting to a point where not Only am I boxing myself in but other or Boxing man as well and I think that can Be the danger of self-labeling you feel Like okay I have this label I am this or That so I should act in this way and I Just don’t really want to have that in My life I want to feel like even if I Feel yeah I’m introverted because I like My alone time and I don’t need to be With people as much as some other people Might need to be with people and but That does not mean that I don’t enjoy Other people or that I don’t want to go Out and do this and that so I just try to stay clear of boxing Myself in as much as possible Um but I still do make some content About introversion because I know that Learning about it helped me so much and Just being like Oh I’m not this weird Person because I could spend the entire Day at home and just doing my own stuff It’s just because that’s how I enjoy Being and that’s completely fine and it Is very helpful to so many people just Learning about it and talking about it So I still do it but I don’t say I am an Introvert I’m like I’m introverted Because like it’s spectrum and no one is Only that or only that we’re all Somewhere in the middle of these terms

And definitions I think what do you Think I feel like you’re extroverted Or hmm I would say I’m more introverted I I Assuming the definition is around sort Of getting your energy by recharging With your own company versus other People so like for example if I’m if Often if I’m on holiday with friends I Will enjoy taking out a few hours in the Morning to just sit on my laptop and do Some work maybe that’s just the Workaholic partner Yeah I feel like a lot of social contact Is a bit much and I like just having Time on my laptop or with the journal Where I can just do my own thing Um last week I I interviewed someone Called Francesca Specter who’s a Journalist who’s written a book called Uh uh alone mint which is about this Sort of Um spending time by yourself and using That to recharge and like being okay With that I really like that term it’s Like a nice So the the day I interviewed her that Evening I went to a restaurant by myself And just did some journaling nice went On a date with myself and it was like oh This is so nice do you ever do that Normally going out eating by yourself Not usually I think I’ve done it like Twice in the last year one time was last

Week it was great I want to do more of That and even like well one of her tips Was to block it out in the calendar Because then you can look forward to it Whereas normally if I have a random Spare evening I’ll just sort of Non-intentionally do something but in This case it’s like oh today is going to Be an alignment evening I’m gonna spend Time by myself and it’s going to be Great and I think it’s important because You get to be alone with because when You’re around people I mean sure you can be yourself but it’s Inevitable that you’re getting Influenced by other people’s moods and Thoughts and experiences and what They’re saying and what they’re thinking And all of that whereas when you’re by Yourself you get to kind of fully and Truly Listen to your own thoughts and be like What do I think about this thing and how Do I enjoy this food or this place or Whatever it is that you’re doing and I Think it’s valuable and kind of getting To know yourself Anyway but how do you feel working with A big team and meeting them every day And because I feel like now that I’m Doing everything by myself and imagining Having a team of a lot of people that I Not have to spend every day with but That I will spend every day with it

Feels a little bit draining how do you Feel about that do you feel energized When you’re around Generally yeah generally I do Um so usually my setup is that my Mornings are for book writing so like This morning had breakfast with my agent And then sort of nine till 12 was book Time sitting in a coffee shop and just Doing book stuff and then I came here And now we’re having this chat and I had A team meeting just a little while ago And doing like a working dinner tonight As well with with with Tommy and I find That that balance where it’s like I’ve Got some of the day to do my own deep Work and the rest of the time I can just Sort of have Good Vibes with the team I Really enjoy that and I like working With people around because I get a bit Depressed when it’s just me and I’m Sitting on my laptop all day oh really Do you find that or do you enjoy sitting On your laptop Yeah but I mean I thought because I Haven’t I don’t know what the opposite Would be like either so I don’t know if I were to have a team Being around people working I don’t know If I would join maybe I would but I Think you would I haven’t tried it so Imagine how sick it would be if you had Like one or two people yeah that you Worked with maybe like a couple of days

A week you would go to the same coffee Shop or the same co-working school I Think so I think if it’s the right People where you have good chemistry and Which I think is so important I mean I’ve tried having people on my team like An editor or like the very basic Thing that YouTubers typically need help With but I think it’s so hard just I don’t know like going from doing Everything by yourself you know all the Different roles of being a YouTuber Entails to bringing someone in I feel like it’s such a scary thing I Don’t know how you’ve successfully found So many people and they all seem great Yeah how do you Just that process seems so yeah I mean It sort of happened slowly over a long Period so it’s been like sort of um Started working with Christian or editor Three years ago now okay and so in the Early days he was like sending me the Final cut so sending me the project Files and I was doing the Final Cut of Editing myself and then after a while I Was like oh he’s actually better than I Am cool and then now we just do it via Frame IO where he just uploads a file And then I can leave comments on it and Then and then it goes to the channel Nice and it’s just like I remember in The early days the feeling I had when I’d be excited I’d be filming a video in

The evening after work and then I’d go To work the next day and then I’d come Home and the video is ready and I’m just Like mind blown like I didn’t have to Spend 18 hours editing this video and That just completely changed my life Yeah and as soon as Christian came on Board suddenly everything started going Well in the business and because I had Way more time to spend on actually Writing the videos and writing courses Which is the thing I enjoy doing rather Than I’m cutting out my arms and ours and do You do any editing no Well no nice I sometimes think you know What I should go back into editing Yeah How long it takes yeah and then I think Huh this is like Would I choose to do this just for fun Right and if the answer is no then it’s Like okay then I shouldn’t be doing this Oh okay whereas I would choose to write Just for fun or to read just for fun but I wouldn’t choose to edit just for fun You have written and talked a lot about The concept of row yeah what is row so Pronounced in Swedish it’s just another Word I don’t think anyone really thinks About it more than any other word but It’s a word that doesn’t have Um direct translation to any other Language that I know of at least not

English basically what it means Rule is just like calm Tranquility peace Um so if you’ve had like a long day you Might say in Swedish I Just want some peace and calm or I want to find a place to have some rule Um And I started because A lot of But somehow my philosophy in life is Goes back to rule essentially means that Even at the end of the day if I’ve had a Long day or stressful day I always want To feel like I’m coming back to a place Where I feel like I can rest and relax And feel it calm On the inside and I try to create those Habits In my everyday life I want my home to be That place I want to have that feeling With my close relationships where I can Feel like this person Gives me some rule as opposed to the Opposite of giving me stress or anxiety Or Um Yeah so I think that’s just where it Started I was like this is a great word And more people should know of this word Or concept and I started my newsletter Named it Monday Monday I think I haven’t Been writing a lot there but um Basically just writing

Stories of rule or tips on Rue and Things like that and a lot of people Enjoyed it and resonated with the Concept of just wanting more through in Their lives and that’s how that was born Yeah Um how how does one go about finding Um good good pronunciation Um Give me different things to different People so like having a rule in the Morning to me is just Not feeling stressed in the morning and Waking up early enough to where I can Have a coffee and sit on my couch and Cuddle my dog and not have to hurry Anywhere or feel like I’m Stressed out and that I’m well breasted So that’s just a way if I need it or I Love taking long walks and not listening To anything and just enjoying the walk With no sounds and to me that’s true so I think It means different things to different People but I think the feeling is just Simply It’s a bit meditative where it’s like It’s like the feeling where you’re Taking a long walk in the forest or Something and you don’t have any Distractions other than bird sounds or You know the sound of bushes or whatever Something that is just very peaceful and Calming and

Yeah I think it’s going to be different Things for different people but you’re Gonna know if you start paying attention To your day like where do I feel like I’m At ease where do I feel like no one is Bothering me there’s like a calm feeling Throughout my body and I’m just being And What is that to you can you identify Anything like that in your life yeah Yeah very much so I was just thinking as You were saying that that like your Whole vibe is very like Rue how nice Very like kind of Zen kind of like calm And try and quill and It’s just a sort of just like sitting Here talking to you is making me just Feel a bit more calm I’m just like yeah This is falling asleep I had a nice Conversation I feel like I’m relaxed I Feel like I’m I’m energized and well it Was sort of like uh being energized Through being relaxed yeah rather than Being energized through being like Frantic almost yeah so it’s not Necessarily to me it’s not like feeling Sleepy or you know taking a nap it is Feeling energized but through something Very simple and calming so journaling Can be pretty Pretty much that as well depending on What you’re writing about that you’re Ranting about a recent heartbreak maybe

It’s not very robots Can you find anything specific in yeah So I’ve been thinking about this sort of Concept A Lot recently Um because with the book that I’m Working on Um The core thesis I guess is that You know for me productivity has always Been about trying to trying to get Energy from my work so that I can give Energy to the things that I want to do Outside of work and I find that the way I get energy from my work is by Approaching it in this sort of With lightness and ease and tranquility And remembering to have fun with it and Remembering that I don’t need to be Stressed out and I think it’s it’s easy To And even if you even had this one when I Wasn’t working for myself so when I was Working as a doctor it’s it’s very easy To sort of approach it with a frantic Energy of like oh all this Needs to be done and stuff Yeah Um and I found that on days where I Would have that attitude towards it I Would just feel completely drained and It wasn’t fun But on days where I had exactly the same To-do list but I approached it with a Sense of

I’ve got a lot of things to do today This is going to be fun yeah Um there’s a there’s a quote from Gray’s Anatomy where um Patrick Dempsey the Neurosurgeon he always starts his Operations with uh it’s a beautiful day To save lives let’s have some fun nice And I sometimes think about that as Being like that is actually a way of Approaching anything it’s a beautiful Day to save lives let’s have some fun Regardless of what’s actually happening In the thing and so I try and remind Myself to do that with with work staff Or whenever I feel Frantic or harried in any kind of way Yeah just taking that breath I mean like no it’s all good and I can Choose to approach this with I guess Root rather than yeah totally I think I Think attitude is like I know some People get annoyed when you talk about Just have a positive attitude or a good Attitude but I really think that it Does so much to how you approach things And how you see things like if I think To myself okay I have to create this Video this week and I have to do this And that and I kind of stress myself up Of all the things that I have to do and Accomplish and the time that I have Doing it and deadlines I’m just going to Be stressed out I’m not going to enjoy The process as much and it’s probably

Not going to turn out as well either Because it’s going to start feeling like This thing that I just have to do rather Than this thing that I want to do If I Instead try to be like okay I have To write the script I’m gonna grab my Coffee I’m gonna sit on the couch I’m Gonna put my dog in my lap and we’re Gonna go about this and Somehow we feel like if we have more of A calm approach to things we’re not as Productive you know it’s not as Efficient you kind of I can at least feel sometimes like okay Why am I not feeling Too stressed about this does that mean That I’m slacking even if I’m getting as Much done and getting it done better Than I would have otherwise there’s Something And me and maybe you and other people Where you kind of feel like being Productive means that you need to feel Like you’re running around and you’re Doing this and that and you’re switching Between tasks and you’re like you want To feel a little bit stressed that can Sometimes make you feel like you’re Being more productive whereas if you’re Drinking coffee and you’re just kind of Having this calm Vibe you might feel Like you’re not being as productive even If you are so I’m just trying to lean Into the fact that I can actually

Approach things Be more Chill with that Gray’s Anatomy quote Attitude and I can still heal the same Results and enjoy the process a lot more Yeah have you come across uh Derek Sivers I don’t think so he’s like this Uh you know he used to be an Entrepreneur I sold his money as a sold His company for a lot of money and then Decided to live the chill life of kind Of doing what he wants and he’s he’s Written a couple of really good books About like like intentional living and Stuff Um but there’s a really good story that He talks about of how you know he I Think he used to live in like Australia Or something and he used to sort of Cycle the length of some psychopath and He would always try and like go as fast As possible and he’d be like okay you Need to beat 42 minutes need to be 42 Minutes and 42 minutes was his number Um and then one day he decided you know What I’m just gonna take a chill like I’m actually good I’m not going to huff And puff I’m gonna enjoy and I’m gonna Enjoy the cycle ride as I’m going along And you know he was like I’m not going To turn myself I’m just going to go Around the cycle you know I’m gonna um Might like wavered some people along the Way listen to the birds I really enjoy

Myself and he gets back home and he Looks at his clock and it’s 44 minutes And he’s like well for the last Like six months have I just been huffing And puffing for the sake of two minutes Like what the and now he like I Think there’s a a wider message in that Yeah Huffing and puffing actually does not Necessarily lead to the outcome that you Think it’s going to get to exactly I Think that’s exactly what I mean yeah or What I’m trying to say huffing and Puffing exactly I haven’t heard of that But yeah I guess that’s what I’m trying To say where I think that example is Great and that’s I’m just trying to Embrace more of that nice So someone listening to this might be Like well Lana and Ali it’s easy for you Guys to say you guys are YouTubers you Make videos about what you want like uh Screw you like I’ve got a real job Um yeah given that you’ve you’ve written A lot written a lot about this how if Let’s say someone has a real job maybe Potentially has like family obligations Plus or minus kids at home Um any tips on finding roof in the midst Of a hectic life right Um so I’m not even gonna try and put Myself in the position of someone having Kids and a family and all of that I know That when I started YouTube and I was

Working as well and I was Doing both the thing that gave me rule Which I was doing every single morning Before going to work was actually Working out at a quiet gym where no one Was because it was very early So Somehow was a sacrifice because I was Getting up very early Um and maybe not getting enough sleep But that was a way for me back then to Have some time to myself where I wasn’t Working on anything and I was just doing Something that was good for me and I Felt energized but I it was in frantic it was just Me alone at the gym working out and so I Think I think you can Find little things that you can do but Maybe there’s another sacrifice that has To be done like maybe you have to set Your alarm A little bit earlier or maybe at your Lunch break okay go to your car and eat It there if you want to get get away From some people I know that I would do That sometimes and just not to my car But just leave everyone and go have Lunch by myself just any opportunity That you can find where you can spend That time Away from the crowd and away from the Noise whether that is when you’re having

Lunch or your coffee or waking up Earlier and working out or journaling a Little bit before you go to bed I think We can find those moments they don’t Have to be long moments they can be a Couple minutes like go to your balcony If you have one and stand there with no Devices for a couple minutes and just Take a few breaths like something as Simple as that I think can do more than We think and most people probably have Two minutes Some sometime throughout the day to just Go away from the crowd and take a Breather yeah yeah I would hope yeah Yeah I was interviewing someone last Week who’s a psychiatrist and Neuroscientist and we were talking about A similar concept as well Um Uh from a sort of sciency perspective It’s kind of resetting the nervous System Um where you’ve got the sympathetic Nervous system which is your fight or Flight response the anxiety the stress The sort of this is useful if you’re Running away from a lion And then you have the parasympathetic Nervous system which is where your Chilled sort of rest digest recharge That kind of vibe and how he you know She cited some study that showed that Like 75 of workers in the US are in sort

Of sympathetic overdrive mode where They’re like in this state of mild Anxiety and stress in their workday and How Is it really bad for your health drives Up your cortisol level increases your Blood pressure all these all these bad Things and something like something as Simple as looking into the into the Distance like into the Horizon and Taking some deep breaths for like 30 Seconds just tells your body no it’s Chill I don’t have a tiger that’s Chasing me right now it’s just my boss Being a bit of a dick like yeah I don’t Need to let this affect my tranquility And even just 30 seconds can profoundly Recharge someone’s energy levels Absolutely and there’s a bunch of stuff That shows that you know taking a break Every 45 minutes and even just like Getting off your desk and just taking a Few deep breaths just lets your body Relax and the more relaxed the more Parasympathetically you can kind of Activate yourself the more likely you Are to recharge your energy and to feel More of that sense of peace and peace And Stillness and Tranquility this idea Of I guess yeah I think just not forcing Yourself to be in a situation if you Feel like you need a couple minutes like Um I know in the beginning when I was Working my nine to five I thought it was

Very weird like going away during lunch Just to have a couple minutes to myself Because are people gonna think like Where’s Lana why is she leaving and Something is off but no one really cares I don’t think no one is gonna question You or think you’re a weirdo if you just Go away for a few minutes or decide to Have a lunch by yourself or If you’re having a break and someone’s Like hey do you want to take a walk Together if you want to go alone once in A while like that’s fine and I think we Should just Embrace those moments and no One’s actually gonna care that much and It’s important to grab those moments When we need them and when we have the Opportunity Like so um again when I was when I was Working as a doctor Um in the early days Me and most of my friends who started Around that time it’s like it was super Super stressful they were like oh There’s too much to do and there’s so Much to do that we can’t take a lunch Break because like there’s just Literally too much to do and like you Know can’t stop for coffee you just have To keep going because all these things Are Urgent all these things are Happening and then very quickly our Seniors told us that no you need to take A lunch break you need to take coffee

Breaks nothing bad will happen don’t Worry about it yeah and we started doing That and realized that actually taking a Coffee break like two or three times it Going down to the local Costa waiting in Line for five minutes getting a latte And going back up just takes like takes Away five or ten minutes and you know There’s very unlikely to be a life or Death emergency in that five or ten Minutes and if it is the crash buzzer is Going to ring and someone else will be There but you can take that time totally And if that tight that five or ten Minutes returns so much Roi because it Just helps you avoid burnout and feel More confident and tranquil and Comfortable at work and stuff and all And that has so many more benefits Compared to thinking that you have to I Guess burn the afterburners and skip Lunch just for the sake of writing an Extra discharge letter a little bit Earlier totally and I think let’s say There was an emergency you’re probably Going to be have a better be in a better Mind space if you’ve taken a couple Minutes off where you kind of recharge a Little bit as opposed to if you’ve just Been going and going going all day You’re probably going to be more tired And exhausted so I think that applies For work as well if you’re just going And going and going without break

Because you feel like you can’t or you Feel guilty or you need to be super Productive and breaks are for lazy People or whatever you’re telling Yourself I think you’re just doing the Opposite you’re burning yourself out and You’re not going to be as effective and Maybe most importantly you’re not going To enjoy yourself as much you’re just Going to feel exhausted and if you’re Not enjoying what you’re doing the Results are probably not going to be as Good as if you were enjoying what you’re Doing yeah yeah and there’s a lot like I Think the Happiness Advantage that talks About how people who feel happy at work Also perform way better and it’s not the Other way around it’s not that Performance leads to happiness it’s that Happiness leads to Performance and so if We can find ways to feel happier feel More content with the work that we’re Doing inevitably that’s going to lead to Performance improvements but also we’re Having a better lifestyle yeah why why Wouldn’t why don’t you try it because You’re spending so much time in work Like so much of your life Is working and so finding any Loophole or tactic or anything to make It a bit easier and more enjoyable I Think it’s at least worth exploring Yeah what what kind of stuff do you find Disturbs your Tranquility on a

Day-to-day basis I think mainly If something is off in any of my Relationships Like if I’ve had a fight with someone or Someone is mad at me or anything like That I think that’s the biggest thing Nothing else really Gets to me as much as things not going Well or smoothly in my relationships I Think that’s the thing What do you do about it when you find That that’s the case Um Well I try to I try for it to not get to the extent Where something is You know there’s an argument I try to Solve things as quickly as possible That’s something I’ve learned Throughout the years instead of kind of Um Leaving things be and I think it’s Better to talk about things and try to Be on a Try to try to have peace in your Relationships if something is bothering Me or bothering them I always try to Solve it as quickly as possible and if It’s unsolvable I’m still working on trying to still go About my day and not I just get very Affected by like things being off with The people around me and do you do you

Experience that ’ll like if you’ve had a fight with Your brother or I don’t know someone do You feel like it’s affecting your work Or how you’re feeling about your day I’m not ready Um so I I tend not to have that many Fights except with my mom Um well let’s say you’ve had a fight With your mom yeah do you feel like your Day is not ruined but like you’re not Going to be as Excited or No really I feel like I’m pretty good at Compartmentalizing and also I think the stoicism Kool-Aid I’ve been Drinking for decades tells me that is is This within my control no okay I can Just choose to think to be okay with it Then well how do you get to a point Where you actually believe that like I think I got to that point by telling Myself that repeatedly over many years And to the point where it’s now like Because I I strongly think I strongly Feel that we can control our feelings uh Maybe we can’t control that initial you Know that initial gut level reaction But you know there’s a bunch of stuff About how emotions are renewed every 90 Seconds and if you feel anger anger will Only last for 90 seconds And then if it lasts for longer than That it’s because you’re choosing to

Tell yourself a story that’s causing The Amity renewed oh yeah those I can’t Remember what book is but there’s There’s something I would love to read More I’m putting uh kind of stats on This And similarly you know a book like the Courage to be disliked or any of the Books on stoicism talk about this idea Of you know you’ve got stimulus and Response and in between those two There’s a gap and you can choose your Response and so if I have had a fight With my mum or if I don’t know Something is not worked out with another Relationship I can choose the way I respond to that To an extent like I’ve been lucky in That I haven’t had like a major like Absolute catastrophic thing happen yeah But I think over time with with the Little things in particular I’ve become Good at Being like Yep this is a thing my Initial response is anger or frustration Or upsetness or whatever Cool that’s fine I I can choose to tell Myself a different story that that means That I can I you know that the the quote Which is Um pain is inevitable but suffering is Optional yeah so I’ve experienced the Pain of the initial emotion but I can

Choose to not suffer hmm and how Seamless is that for you is it always Obvious that you can just think that and Believe it or is it harder sometimes Yeah it’s harder sometimes Um yeah like yesterday You know I had a bit of a disagreement With my girlfriend about some something And I was feeling a bit like I was feeling a Bit frustrated a bit annoyed and was Like okay no you know take a few deep Breaths Figure out how I feel about this and Then we had we had a conversation about It and after about 20 minutes of Conversation turns out it was a Misunderstanding where we both like We’re on a different page about the same Thing and it’s like okay now we resolve The misunderstanding and we kind of Talked about it and I was like great This is awesome and so but but I did Feel that initial sense of like Annoyance and frustration and I was like Okay Deep breath that’s fine let’s have a Rational conversation yeah but I think That’s the key having a conversation About it I think if you were to Go to bed and or if you were not with Her at the time let’s say you were not Able to see her or yeah talk to her Then do you feel like that could affect

Your like if that was unresolved until Right now yeah you feel like your work Day would have been like would you have Thought about it or can you just put it To the side and get to work I wouldn’t Thought about it Um I would I would have I would tell Myself I can put it to the side and Forget about it and deal with it later But I would it would sort of be in the Back of my mind Um until we have our regular Relationship review where we kind of go Through some questions and what is that Oh it’s great this is a thing I’ve been Yeah I’ve been recommending this to all My friends I’m like can we switch gears Because I like to hear about this Um so this is an idea from Logan Yuri’s Book how to not die alone which is you Know behavioral scientists turned Relationship coach um which is over There actually uh and yeah she says Basically that Anyone in a relationship should have Like a weekly ish review Um we do ask like every every three Weeks or so because we don’t see each Other that often maybe like once or Twice a week so every three weeks or so We’ll do a review where there’s like a Notion page with like 10 questions and We just go through the questions and That’s very are we having that on notion

Yeah although it was it was her who Actually made the notion page initially So it was like yeah that’s when I knew She was the one oh nice Um and we just go through the questions And you know the first half are like Um you know how’s how’s this week been For our relationship what’s something You know how are you feeling what’s Something I did that made you feel loved Or appreciated or supported Um what’s something you’d like to do More of together and then it’s like you Know what’s one way what’s one thing I Did that made you feel bad or sad or Annoyed in any kind of way how can make It better what can it do differently and Usually you know through answering these Questions it’s just a good chance to ask Meta level questions about the Relationship that wouldn’t otherwise Come up in day-to-day life yeah and so Generally if she or I of like a thing Because I feel like the the problem in Relationships from a bit of experience And from what I’ve read is that the Little things can become big things over Time yeah and a little thing is often Too little to bring up in the moment Especially when you’re apart like when They’re at work it’s like I’m not gonna Message be like hey you know that little Thing that you said that right it would Just be a bit weird to do that because

It just interrupts things And so the review gives a chance for Like every couple of weeks at least a Chance to review and touch base on those Things and the benefit is that usually a Week is elapse between the event Happening and the review so then you can Approach it with less of an emotional Kind of Spin and more like hey so when You did X it made me feel why and you Know just to let you know and I’m Usually like oh my God I had no idea Like you know let’s change that and does It usually feel Because it sounds a little bit like a Not a venting session but a little bit Like you’re kind of venting on things That maybe you’ve thought of or things That you want to get out there do you Feel like do the both of you feel better In like at ease after you oh yeah Definitely like we often say afterwards Like oh I’m glad we did this review or Like sometimes we’ll say but like oh if It feels like it’s been a while since We’ve done a review we should probably Do one whereas like maybe there’s like One or two small things that have sort Of sort of like are in the background And are too small to bring up and so the Review brings them to light And Yeah I think it’s been one of the one of The things that’s taught me the most

Over the last year of being in the Relationship that oh damn I didn’t Realize that people have emotions I Didn’t realize that like you would think Of things in this way but it makes sense Now that you’ve explained it and so I Can weave that into my mental model of The world okay yeah and do you feel like Since you’re having this review with her Do you feel like you’re kind of saving Things that you might be like things That might be bothering you or that You’re thinking about or do you still Bring those things up as well or do you Guys save it to the review yeah how do You go about that that’s a good question So sometimes like if we’re there in the Moment then then I’ll bring it up but I Generally prefer to have this the Conversation in person rather than on The phone so if for example we’re not Seeing each other for a week or two then To me I I’d be thinking okay is this Something worth bringing up over the Phone or over WhatsApp probably not I’ll Just save it to the review but if it’s Something big then we’ll bring it up Over the phone if necessary Yeah it’s almost like like you know Having a one-on-one when you have like Employees and stuff a one-on-one with a Manager yeah where a lot of things you Can just say for the one-on-one because You don’t have to interrupt them and

Send them a message on slack to be like Hey let’s talk about this thing you can Be like oh you know it’s it’s a thing That we can talk about in the next One-on-one yeah unless it’s sufficiently Baked an immediate discussion okay Yeah because I remember uh friend’s Colleague told me that His boss and his boss’s wife would do Something similar where every week or Every two weeks they would sit down and I don’t know if it was from this book or If it was like a set of questions but They would just talk openly about I hope You felt about the relationship this Weekend is something on your mind you Want to talk about anything in Particular and how have you felt Appreciated and how can we make things Better having that conversation yeah I Would recommend it okay cool Um well carry that with me yeah so you You put out a couple of videos recently Talking about like your experiences of Dating your experience of relationships Um I guess let’s start with dick with Dating Um what have you learned from kind of Dating life over the last however number Of years wow [Music] Um And I guess if you were giving advice to Your younger self who’s like let’s say

Someone’s listening to this and they’re Recently single they’ve been in a Relationship for a while but now they’re Like single and they’re on the market Again as it were and they’ve got the They’re like oh hinge tender but I’m Like oh God feels like a real faff like And I guess from your perspective as a Girl presumably you’ll get loads of Matches and loads of people are weird Like what what what’s that like I’m getting a lot of matches just like Being a girl on a dating app Um which by definition means getting a Lot of messages from from every other Girls dating apps that I’ve ever seen Um I think Well there is Definitely something to it I mean Everyone knows I think that women tend To get more matches than men but I think It gets confused with you know Allah Does not mean you know good right so you Could be let’s give an example like you Could be getting a lot of um cookies but Maybe half of them are too old to eat And yeah moldy and they’re breaking and There was a warm in one and you don’t Want to have that one so it doesn’t Matter that you’re getting a lot of Cookies if none of them are worth eating Do you know what I mean so I think it’s Something

You think quantity and quality is like Quality is getting Confused for Quality like let’s say You’re getting I don’t know let’s throw Out a number you’re getting 20 matches This week Um which may be a lot or a little Depending on how you see it I don’t know Um sounds like a lot I mean that all 20 are Eligible for you or that that’s Something that you could see yourself Being with or spending your life with or Whatever you’re looking for but I guess It does it does mean you have more Options yeah so of those 20 even if like 10 are reasonable definitely then yeah I Think in that way but I think I mean I don’t know what it’s like Obviously being a guy on a dating app I’ve talked to some guys on dating apps So that also depends I mean Women are pickier yeah that’s that’s the Fact Um And I mean both women and men I think Have the right to be picky I don’t think That’s a that’s a problem Um as long as it’s realistic and you Don’t have your standards Come from like a row Rome rom-com or Anything like that Um But yeah what is like dating I think

Dating in today’s climate is difficult For everyone because A lot of it is online we don’t I don’t Think we need as often as maybe we used To people in person unless you’re in School or maybe through work and now so Many people are working from home and so I think naturally a lot of people are Drawn to Dating apps which is kind of unnatural Because normally when you meet someone Um it’s you know it’s obviously the Looks and how you feel about the person But it’s also like how their energy is Feeling and their voice and their eye Contact and Their scent and all of these things play A role in how we feel about someone when We meet them organically in person and You have none of that when you meet Someone online so it’s it’s tough and so You just go based on pictures Um and some information on their profile And an exchange of conversation that you Have or a call I always recommend having A call before meeting someone oh yeah do You normally suggest that yeah always Really video call video call Dad yeah How do people respond uh they’re like Yeah sure yeah no one’s been resistant Yeah Have you never done that Um I did it like over the kind of Lockdown period I went on a few Zoom

Dates and I don’t particularly enjoy any Of them but like yeah someone else did Tell me that like we it like that if you Have Too many options like if you’re if it’s Not a supply problem that you’re dealing With then a call is a really helpful way Of just like eliminating just a very Easy and quick and painless way to Eliminate people from from the list yeah Because you can just immediately check Do you Vibe over FaceTime exactly and if You don’t or if they don’t have an IPhone then it’s like exactly apart from The list immediately Um I think it’s two things so I think First thing when you said like okay are We clicking at all or is it just like do I know right from the back that this is Not going anywhere and also I think Um maybe particularly as a woman just Making sure it’s someone who isn’t like Weird or that feels you know I don’t Know dangerous or uh anything like that And four men as well something can be Like a catfish but Yeah I think it’s always good to have a Video call with someone okay yeah What are some other Uh I guess things that you’ve learned Over the years the kind of tips that you Share with people so I guess one of them Is have a video call yeah anything else That

Um Giving people a chance I think we’re Very quick sometimes when we go on a Date with someone being like oh they’re Wearing the wrong shoes or Um they said something that didn’t fully Align with something that I believe in And we might eliminate them for these Reasons that May be something that is not Um like shouldn’t be a determining Factor if you want to like have a Serious relationship with someone if You’re just looking for something casual Yeah maybe you’re more shallow because You know I don’t know something like That but if you’re looking for something Long-term I think not overlooking Someone completely just because Something is not fully Resonate with you or Um because they seem to be different From you in some way like most things Like it could probably work despite them Being Um in some ways yeah because we all have Things that are like someone’s gonna be Like oh you do that that’s kind of Strange I don’t do that yeah and just Being if you’re a YouTuber for example People are just like what the hell That’s a bit weird it is a bit weird to Some people and some people get scared I Don’t know that’s what does that mean

Um so I think just giving people more of A chance but not Not to the extent where you see someone For a month and you’re not feeling it Right because then it’s like okay you’ve Been seeing this person for a month You’ve gone on I don’t know eight dates And there is Nothing happening in your body you’re Not excited you look into their eyes and There’s nothing drawing you in then it’s Probably not your person Um so somewhere between one date and Eight dates yeah well eight things is Kind of a lot and that’s not I learned Her her rule is the two-day rule which Is that always go on the second date Unless there’s like a major red flag on The first and then you can decide after The second date oh because normally People are a bit weird on the first day Anyway it’s a bit unusual and often Uncomfortable yeah and the second date Gives another shot again assuming There’s no like massive red flags yeah I Think so I think that’s reasonable Unless Unless you meet them and you just really Are not interested at all like you don’t Even want to listen to them talk because There’s just no chemistry then maybe not A second date but I think that’s Generally good advice like if you’re Like this like if it’s a maybe I think

That’s good enough I don’t really buy this whole thing it Has to be a hell yes from the beginning Because like does that happen a lot to People I have a hard time believing Majority of people are like Oh Yeah from Like the moment I saw this person it was Just perfect and I knew I think most People land somewhere in between Yeah it was okay like I was willing to See this person again I think it’s okay To expect that and not expect Fireworks and you know having a jungle Doing and jumping up and down in your Stomach the first time you see them I Don’t think that has to be necessary What do you think yeah no I agree I’m I’m very uh what do you think you need To feel do you think you need to feel All the butterflies and everything like The first time you Season one yeah no probably not Um I’m thinking yeah this is the this is The thing I’ve always kind of Had had in my mind as a question mark of Like how long do you give it because if I think of people who I like who I had a Crush on at like University If it wasn’t someone I was immediately Attracted to from day one then it took Like months to years of getting to know Them to be like oh hang on like we get On really well like oh wow actually it’s Kind of cool you know that kind of vibe

And it wouldn’t have happened within Like one two or three dates in that in That case yeah and so at one point I had A three-day rule in my mind of like like Maybe my standards are too high maybe I’m just like I’m just doing this wrong I’m gonna always go on at least three Dates uh assuming the other person is Down for it and then I did this once or Twice and I was like no I I like to do Two or three times I was like I mean I Kind of knew from date number one that We weren’t going to get on but I just Forced myself to go on the rest which Seemed a bit unfair in hindsight and so It’s like I was always a bit unsure as To How do you know whether it’s Just like dead in the water completely Or if it’s like a maybe and I think that Was sort of where I landed on of like If I’m at least a maybe then it’s worth Going on the second day yeah Um with my current Google with my Current girlfriend it was fortunate that It was a hell yeah from day one and so I Didn’t I didn’t have that issue to deal With Um and it was really the first time that I dated someone in a long time where I Was looking forward to the second day Because previously what I always had was Like [Music]

But yeah okay well so you have that hell Yeah I had the hell yeah yeah Um nice which makes me a bit suspicious Because I’m like oh damn I I wish like a Rule had come to fruition and then I Could have been like the Rule’s really Good yeah exactly alrighty so we were Talking about dating Um what advice would you have for guys Who are dating like do’s and don’ts what Yeah what do guys need to know In your view when it comes to dating Um well I feel like It’s not a lot of guys’s favorite thing When a woman gives Dating advice Somehow when I do this and I like try to Give advice to men some people get Upset saying I don’t know yeah like how Dare I okay so in that case from from Your perspective what have been some Things that guys have done that have Like turned you off or like have been Particularly good Um okay so from my perspective yes Exactly it’s purely from my perspective Yeah Um Honestly things like basic hygiene What does basically do this Brush teeth Smelling nice Clothes that look like you cared at all To come on this date

Um because some people like will think It’s happened that someone comes and I don’t know it doesn’t look like they Care because usually like if I go on a Date I will you know I’ll care and I’ll Just up and I’ll fix my hair and so you Kind of want to feel like the other Person is meeting your effort okay Um so if they broke up and just like Tracksuit bottoms with like as if Looking as if they’ve just come from the Gym then unless you’re into it maybe Like some people are some so that’s why It’s so hard speaking in general terms But personally I want to feel like I Mean you don’t have to wear a suit That’s not what I’m talking about you Can wear jeans and a t-shirt but have it Look Intentionally I think that’s like a Crumbly t-shirt at least maybe trying to Own it exactly like you want to feel Like this person Put some effort in okay because it makes You feel like Because it’s kind of like the halo Effect right where you feel like okay They put effort into this so there’s Someone who cares and they put effort Into other things whereas if someone Shows up and they haven’t cared at all At least it doesn’t look like they cared At all you kind of start thinking oh There’s someone who is just careless and

They you know you start applying it to So many other areas which not may not Even be true but if you don’t know you Can only go off of your first impression So I think basic hygiene okay um Anything else Um Yes being interested I think it’s important It’s definitely it’s I’ve had experience where someone Where you get the impression they just Wanted someone to rant to kind of okay And that’s not very pleasant I mean you Want it to be a mutual exchange of Getting to know each other where you’re Asking questions and they’re asking Questions Um And I know a lot of people struggle with This but I think eye contact is Important because I think the eyes when You’re going on a date with someone is They say so much to partly where you’re Feeling about the person does it feel Like there could be you know a romance There or does this feel very platonic So I think if you’re struggling with eye Contact try to practice eye contact not Like you don’t have to stare at Someone’s eyes but giving them the Chance to see what it feels like to look Inside your eyes and I think it just Creates more of a connection

So that’s why I think if you’re going on A walk even just looking over at the Person instead of just walking straight Ahead without looking at them at all it Makes you appear less engaging in my Experience with a person and you want Them to feel engaged with you Um and then I think as cliche as it Sounds being yourself you know not Trying to present obviously put your Best foot forward Um but also don’t try to present a Perfect version of yourself that doesn’t Exist because if you guys keep dating You know your true self is gonna come Out eventually and then they’re gonna be Like wait I thought you were this super Clean you know organized sporty person And here you are all you want to do is Do this and that all day and so not Pretending because you don’t want Someone to Like you when you’re not being you That’s kind of pointless you want them To like you when you’re being you So I feel like I can go on and on about This topic yeah I mean it’s okay so Personal hygiene being interested being Yourself eye contact anything else I Mean those are the very Basics and then I think I think also accepting the fact that This may or may not be

Something That is going to Like there may or may not be a second Date so not putting too much pressure on Okay this has to go well and they have To like me and what can I say to make Them want to see me again and rather Kind of seeing it as like do you like Them do you guys have chemistry like is This do you feel like you could be Friends too instead of putting all this Pressure on this is going to be my next Girlfriend am I gonna marry this person Like sure if that’s what you’re looking For you might have those questions in The back of your mind but giving you More of a chance of like okay this is Just someone I’m meeting and we’re just Gonna see if we’re vibing and if there Is something there that we want to keep Building on or not and try not to put Too much weight on it I think because Then you’re going to be nervous and Stressed and that may Make you Behave in a way that isn’t actually you And that may ruin things So try to keep the nerves in check and Which is hard Especially if you’re interested because You’re going to be more nervous if you See someone you’re like oh wow this is Someone That I feel I could be interested in

That’s going to make you more nervous But um Find a mantra maybe or something that You keep telling yourself Like I’m just seeing this person another Human being and we’re going to take it As it goes Do you have any advice for women It’s a good question no I’ve been on very few like bad dates Okay that’s a bad day yeah that’s the Thing I don’t really know Um I’ve had like a few where We just haven’t really clicked yeah but That’s like really useful to know like And there’s nothing that I or them could Have done to force that connection yeah I feel like most of the women I know Have had a lot worse experiences of like Being on a bad date yeah because like I Guess for a guy worst case scenario the Date’s kind of boring for a girl worst Case scenario is like really bad so Um I think most women I know have had a Lot more yeah a lot their their share About experiences yeah And I think Not making the first date too Extravagant Because you don’t want to put that Pressure on either of you So Some people let’s say the guy in this Example may think that it’s impressive

Asking a girl on a three meal course or Like a I don’t know something that’s Kind of over the top to somehow impress Her and again some women might enjoy That personally for me and the like my Girlfriends and when we talked about We’re all we all agree on the fact that The first date should be very simple Yeah like a walk and a coffee or Something like that like maybe like a Small picnic Not more than that because you also Don’t want to put the pressure on her to Like stay throughout the three-course Meal let’s say if none of you are Feeling it and I think the best way of Getting to know someone like getting Getting an idea of who someone is is Through doing something very simple Together such as taking a walk or a Coffee or like a small lunch at most I Think What do you think do you think first Extravagant dates her room yeah not fun I like I like doing doing something on The first date okay some some people say So um One of the classic examples of dating Advice for guys that other guys would Say is never do lunch or coffee because That creates a sort of platonic friends Kind of vibe whereas going for drinks or Dinner creates a little like at night Time there’s just a little bit more of a

Less of a we’re just friends kind of Vibe I’ve always kind of ignored that Advice because I really like doing Lunches and breakfasts and brunches and Coffees I’m not a huge fan of dinner on the First date but yeah No I don’t think that either I mean I Think lunch or coffee is great I don’t Think it has to be at night time sure Night time like inevitably kind of feels More a little bit more intimate a bit More romantic maybe but I think there’s Something very Wholesome about like taking a morning Walk with someone or like meeting at Noon and grabbing a coffee yeah I much Prefer that approach because I feel like For me anyway the sort of like most Interactions with the person are not Going to be intimate nighttime romantic Setting they’re going to be like the Day-to-day what’s it like grabbing a Coffee with you what’s it like having Lunch exactly I think Setting that out on the first day and Just seeing seeing what that Vibe is Like yeah it’s quite nice I agree Um you put out a video recently called Something like self-care is killing you Or something like that uh yeah I changed The title so many times oh yeah oh okay Yeah What is self-care and

What are your broadly broadly your Thoughts on the concept of self-care I think with the self-care Trend my Definition of self-care also became like Doing a face mask and you know relaxing And watching an episode of something Without feeling guilty and making a Green juice or you know reading a book Just for fun Um kind of the opposite of Working and the opposite of hustling and All of that And To some extent you know I bought into it But I think I bought into it too much Where I started feeling like Doing all these things weren’t actually Making me feel good in the long run so There are some things that make me feel Good in the long run like I actually Feel good when I work hard on a video And I actually feel good when I have Um Something in my life go well that I’ve Been working on That makes me feel good in the long run Even if in the moment I might feel Resistant like I feel good when I’ve Been working out consistently for a long Time and eating well and all of that and In the moment that might feel like oh Well it’s not self-care because you’re Not actually wanting to do the thing you Would rather relax and you deserve to

Relax and I think it’s been very Emphasized that we should just relax and We should you know we shouldn’t work too Hard and we should take care of Ourselves and yes to some extent yes but Also I think it’s easy to let those things Become A distraction and an escape like a an Excuse for not doing what you should be Doing in the name of self-care and I Think I fell into that and so now Self-care to me is Thinking is this serving future me or am I escaping something right now like am I Putting on A face mask when I should be working on The script just because I deserve some Self-care Um So yeah I think in In a nutshell self-care to me right now Is just serving My Future Self So sometimes that might be the face mask But sometimes it might be actually Cranking up the video yeah like it’s not Not self-care just because it feels a Bit difficult or because I feel Resistant because a lot of the good Things or things that Are going to be good for us in the long Run are things that are a bit Uncomfortable or where there is Resistant resistance in the moment

So I think I think that’s okay and we Can lean into that and know that it’s Going to give gave us like the benefits May come in the long run rather than Um Rather than using self-care as a way to Escape from responsibility which I think Is easy to kind of fall into like oh Well I deserve this four hour break and Kind of I think it’s easy falling into That mindset And it’s like where do you draw the line Between I am taking care of myself and Relaxing and I’m procrastinating and Escaping what I should be doing Like how do you find that balance Hmm I don’t know so I like to Um I I don’t like the phrase should be doing Um because usually that implies someone Else’s priority rather than my own Sometimes it’s a should be doing because It’s my own thing like I shouldn’t go through the McDonald’s Drive-through at midnight because it’s Generally eating that would be an Unhealthy choice and I want to be the Sort of person who eats healthy But when it’s the context of Oh I should film this video right now I always have a bit of a an allergic Reaction to that because I think

Back in the day when when the channel Was just starting out you know that I Was you know that consistency was was Very important Um But I feel like over time I don’t know just just sort of thinking Out loud here but I sort of feel like I Already have enough And When I say I should film this video like What who’s who’s this should behind that Is it me thinking I should film the Video because even though I don’t want To or I don’t feel like it right now is That I should film this video because This is going to be a good video that’s Going to cause growth which is going to Increase Revenue but it’s like why am I Trying to grow why am I trying to raise Revenue like I already have enough like And I get into this weird thing where It’s almost like Have you have you come have you come Across the midwit meme no say a lot okay So I’m gonna try and describe it for People out there so like imagine like a Bell curve okay and it’s like an IQ bell Curve where you’ve got 100 IQ in the Middle you have like 60 IQ on one end And you have like 150 IQ on the other End and you have like a normal Distribution And the meme is basically that like

The person who’s like gotten like an IQ Of 60. would say I just use Apple notes the person of an Iq150 also says I just use Apple notes But the person in the middle is like I Use notion in Rome I never known this And that I have my PKM system I have my Double cast on Etc it’s all that And it’s like you know there is look I’m On the other end of Mastery there is Simplicity and it’s like kind of Full Circle kind of Vibes and I often think Of it as like there is there is a Version of the midweek of the midwit Meme whereby the person with I iq60 kind Of with all of the caveats aside that This is just this is problematic I’m Just trying to describe a meme for God’s Sake with all those caveats aside the The person who is iq60 says I just do What I feel like the person with iq150 Says I just do what I feel like and the Person in the middle is like I manage my To-do list to use my thing I’ve set up My most important task every day I do my Getting things done method capture Colorful organized reflect engages But actually like on the other side of That there’s like I just do what I feel Like doing and actually that works out And so I’m trying to be more of that That guy I’m trying to be more like Instead of coercing myself to do things I don’t want to do in the moment

Let me just actually do what I feel like Because I think I’ve gotten to the point Where generally Even if I just do what I feel like Things are broadly okay but I don’t know If I’m yeah how’s that with things like Working out Yeah so this is where this starts to Become a problem because like eating Healthy or things like that yeah so so The way I think of it is that Okay so rewinding it um there is a Strategy that sociologists use to Run studies on whether life is worth Living Broadly so um if you ask people is your Life worth living most people would say Yes Um but you can’t really take the word For it because they’re just being asked In the moment it’s just a single sample Of things so one strategy that some some People use is they would give someone Like a pager or ring them like maybe 20 Times in a day and they would ask the Question of like hey so you’re taking Part in this study what are you doing Right now and they might be like I’m Making a cup of tea or I’m writing a Script for a video or I’m doing some Video editing or I’m working out and Then they would ask them If you could press a button would you Fast forward to the end of this

Experience And you still get the benefit of the Experience but you don’t have to Experience the experience okay And they see what what percentage of People like What proportion of your day Would you choose to fast forward oh And I can’t remember the exact stat but It’s a remarkably large percentage of Most people’s workday they would choose To fast forward yeah like even though I Enjoyed working as a doctor unless I was Teaching medical students which I would Not fast forward because it was fun I Couldn’t wait to get to the end of the Workday I’d be like looking at the Company like 5 PM yes I can go home now So I would choose to fast forward the Workday and actually if you were just to Fast forward 10 hours of your life every Day that’s like it’s pretty bad Um and so I I use this as a bit of a Model to guide am I living the sort of Life I want to be living I love that Um and I would choose to fast forward Working out with my personal trainer and I recognized this a few weeks ago to be Like this is bad like I should find a way to stay healthy and Exercise that I wouldn’t choose to fast Forward like playing squash or tennis or Badminton rather than trying to bench Press because I’m like why am I trying To get hinged because I think I’m kind

Of trying to get six-pack abs I don’t Know I already have a girlfriend so like Um And so yeah I think the working out Thing is a bit of a problem okay Well do you tell yourself then that you Should be working out Or how do you tell yourself because you Don’t want to tell yourself you should Be working right but what do you tell Yourself when it comes to working out or Staying healthy like how do you still do The thing without getting the allowed Allergic reaction that you talked about This it doesn’t work 100 of the time but But broadly I try and find a way to make It more energizing or make it more Enjoyable in some way or I I choose I Tell myself a story that actually this Is the person I want to be and I want to Do this like this morning When I was getting lunch it was a choice Between kind of the fried salmon or the Grilled mackerel and I was like I want To be the sort of person that goes to The grilled mackerel because I want to Live to 180 years old and I want to take Care of my health therefore I’m gonna go For the grilled mackerel rather than I Should go for the grilled mackerel and So again it’s just a little bit of an Attitude change yeah but I find that the Word should implies a lack of autonomy Yeah and just removing the word should

Or even the phrase like I don’t have Enough time or I’m too busy like all of These are phrases that remove the The onus on us that we control our lives And even just changing the phrasing of That or I’m choosing not to make this a Priority Like I don’t have time to learn language Exercise I’m choosing to not make a Priority right now yeah it just feels Way better even though it’s exactly the Same thing yeah no I agree I also try to Change my phrasing sometimes but so with The graph they were talking about like The people on the On each side of the graph are people who Say I don’t need to do this thing or Yeah I just do what I feel like I just Do what I feel like so who do you think Are the people in the middle because I Feel like the people at the very end are Those who are in a position where let’s Say like you like they’re already Successful they can choose right so who Do you think are the people in the Middle oh yeah I was very much in the Middle yeah for most of my life where Like I sometimes didn’t feel like doing A video but I cranked it out anyway Because consistency is important and Because I knew I had this goal I was Working towards of financial Independence Um but now that I’ve arrived at that

Okay the Temptation is to be more growth Growth growth but I have to like what I Tell myself is actually no this is fine Okay I have enough so getting to that Point was that the financial Independence that got you to a point Where you could be like I do what I feel Like was that there no that was always That was always the goal like ever since I read the four-hour Work Week Um back when I was like 17. yeah I was Like you know this is This is the future that I want where I Can choose to work if I feel like it but I don’t have to so besides enjoying what You’re doing yeah how do you keep Staying motivated when you already have What was your biggest goal with all of This Which was Financial Independence How do you continue finding meaning and Doing this Because you’re doing a lot too it’s not Just videos I mean you’re Um it’s a podcast yeah so many things Courses and all of that so what Continues to drive you So let’s put the courses aside because The the thing that drives the courses is I want to make more money so that I can Sustain the business et cetera et cetera The thing that drives me now honestly is That I want to be helpful to people and And

The way I’ve I discovered this was I Asked myself what would I want written On my gravestone And the answer was three things good Father good husband and like Inspirational teacher or something like That and then I asked myself okay what Do I want people to say at my funeral Like different sorts of people and close Friends family someone who’s come across My work And I’d want people to say that like I was watching all his YouTube channel Or I read Ellie’s book or I listened to His podcast and he taught me something Or he introduced me to an idea that then Changed my life And so that’s the thing that drives me Now of like I get to be a teacher of two people and I can learn cool and share stuff With people and some of it helps and Some of it doesn’t help and Like I’m that I’m I’m trying to not Allow money to be the motivator But I think that’s a thing I have to Constantly reaffirm to myself Because by default society and actually Really on this podcast I often interview People who are like kind of deca Millionaires from selling their business And stuff and it starts to become it’s It’s easy to be like oh I wish I had 10 Million plus in the back

And then you speak to them and they’re Like I I often ask you know like are you Only happier not like that but But it was fun and so it seems like even The people who are stupidly successful Enjoy the process focused on the journey And the result was almost inevitable Um so I’ll try and keep that in mind Okay yeah how about you how do you Motivate yourself to do something when You don’t feel like it necessarily I Think It’s mainly two things and I think it’s Both of the things that you mentioned so The first thing is just sustaining what I’m doing and being able to continue Doing it financially and Yeah something holding and potentially Getting some other people on board and Building more out of it and then With that being said none of it would Mean anything if what I was doing wasn’t Actually helping anyone There would be no point and no Motivation So I think it’s those two things mainly And even on bad days just reading a Comment from someone like if there’s a Day when I’m like I just really don’t Feel like Doing the same right now or writing or Editing or whatever it is and then I’ll Because I have a folder with comments That I’ve saved oh same really yeah yeah

From like comments that really were like Oh that’s so nice that I’ve saved and Sometimes I’ll look at that and be like Wow like someone wrote that after Watching something that I put out there And so sometimes that’s enough to just Fill me and want to continue so Um yeah so much of it is just a Community and the people Journaling yes you talk a lot about Journaling you’ve got a new skillshare Class about Memoir journaling yeah what Like what what is journaling what is Memoir journaling why is it good so I’ve been journaling For ever I mean since I was I know eight Or nine well at the time it was keeping A diary Um Writing about my day or who was gonna Invite to my birthday party or things Like that Um but also some pretty surprisingly Like Sort of insightful things like when I Look back about what I felt about my Friends or things like that Um but I’ve been journaling for so long And I know for sure that I would not Have a YouTube channel had I not been Journaling because that’s where I do so Much of my thinking and so much of that Is what creates the videos is things That I’ve been writing about and

Thinking about Um by writing about it And so Memoir journaling is just a Concept that I made up which is Basically Writing about A moment in time or it can be a present Moment it can be a past moment and Writing about it in a way like you’re Telling a story about that moment and You want that story to be as detailed As possible and it’s a way to not only Remember parts of your life through Instead of being like let’s say you go On a first date with someone and you Want to write a memoir journaling entry About it instead of being like yeah we Grabbed a cup of coffee it was fun Um you go into more detail of like okay What was the atmosphere were you sitting At a cafe and what was the feeling there And what could you see and was there Music playing and do you think that Music affected the mood and kind of Going into too much detail uh just to Really bring that moment to life and What has helped me do is well partly It’s I think a beautiful thing keeping An archive of having so many moments so Carefully Um documented And also just helps me pay more Attention I think in everyday life and Notice things a bit more and appreciate

Things more instead of just rushing Through life and kind of be Um oblivious to it’s kind of like a stop And smell the roses kind of thing in a Nutshell And I know you Journal too right I’ve Been doubling for like I’ve done it on And off for the last several years but I Really started taking it seriously about Like three or four months ago what do You think are the benefits of journaling Oh it’s so good it’s like it’s like Personal therapy yeah Um I find like I asked myself how am I feeling right Now and then try and identify my Feelings and usually if there’s Something negative and I feel a bit Weird oh yeah it’s because the YouTube Video I recently put out didn’t do very Well huh why do I feel weird about that Oh it’s because I’m kind of worried that Blah blah blah blah and it’s sort of The spiral of I’m worried I’m going to End up broken homeless and alone when It’s on paper I’m just like okay Obviously this is dumb and like I can Choose not to feel like that and then That helps kind of reaffirm this thing Around I can’t just make videos what I Want about what I want and I don’t need To worry about sponsors or about this or About that and so journaling is like Almost that daily like meditation to

Reaffirm a particular like affirmation Or something yeah like it gives you Perspective yeah that you wouldn’t have Otherwise yeah I think that’s super Helpful yeah have you got any tips for People who might be listening to this And yeah cool journaling sounds fun yeah I think it’s a little bit like the Starting YouTube channel thing where I Get questions like what should I journal On and do you recommend the specific Notebook or you know all these things That just kind of make you not do the Thing because you’re so worried about All the things surrounding the thing That you actually want to be doing so I Think just not putting too much Energy and thought into what pen should I write with and should I write on my Computer or just like open up your notes Up and write five sentences or what or What you’re feeling like or what’s on Your mind and don’t overthink it Um I Journal everywhere I have my Notebook I have Google Docs I have a Notes app on my phone which probably has Most of my journal entries at this Moment because very in the moment and You don’t want to think about it too Much so just getting started and It’s a bit of cringe as well some people Are like oh that’s so cringy I can’t Write about what I’m feeling and It’s kind of embarrassing sometimes just

Viewing your own thoughts because Sometimes they don’t make sense or Sometimes you don’t want to feel that Way and so I think just putting that Aside and being a bit nicer to yourself And being like it’s totally fine to feel Its way even if it’s not something that I’m proud of or that I would want to Share because you don’t want to have to Share it you can just keep it yourself And that’s what most people do with Their journaling entries So getting over the cringe and the Overthinking and just start writing and See where it takes you and also don’t Worry about your handwriting or like Using the right words or not making it Look messy or you know I think the Perfectionism Um is something that Can delay a lot of things in life such As journaling or starting a Channel or Whatever it is that you want to do so I’m just letting some of that go and Going for it because There’s not going to be a negative Outcome like nothing’s going to happen Because you broke down a few sentences In your notes up you’ll be fine Yeah I think there’s a lot of value in Actually Identifying our own feelings about the Things which we might not be admitting To ourselves but when it’s on paper then

It’s just like oh yeah I understand Myself a bit better now And I found that like it also makes life Slow down a bit in that Um one thing I do with the bullet Journal these days is every day at the End in the evening not almost every day I write down a few things I’m grateful For and I’ll write down um based on Matthew Dix’s book storyworthy uh what Is one story worthy moment that happened Today And I have this little look and I’ve Been doing this for the last like two Weeks uh last four weeks and sort of Dabbled with it on and off in different Different periods as well and whenever I Have that practice of nightly journaling What happened today It feels like time slows down because Now I’m like oh I actually am reflecting on my day and Thinking about what happened and I could Be thinking about it and then I can look Back through the list and be like oh Yeah it feels like this month flew by But actually it didn’t because all this Stuff happened and that’s really cool Yeah so that’s a nice nice experience And what do you what have you experience Have been the benefits of gratitude Journaling like writing down the things You’re grateful for honestly none yet Um yeah I think it’s supposed to be the

Benefits There’s some some people really swear by It uh there was a huberman lab episode Where he looked into the signs behind This he said that uh it doesn’t really Hold up Um oh okay but I mean enough people do It that anecdotally they always say that Oh it helps you just be more Appreciative of be sort of and it’s that Smell the roses moment and like a nice Easy way Um so I do try and focus on like the Small things that are nice But I think I’m broadly good at being Grateful for Stuff uh not like outwardly But inwardly okay like how do you know That uh so there’s that quote I think From Victor Frankel which is where You know whenever you’re feeling Particularly content remind yourself That you know if if this isn’t nice I Don’t know what is And I will often remind myself of that Or I just remember that thought when Something particularly fun is happening Like this morning I was sitting in a Coffee shop doing working on my book Introduction with a little flat white I Was like huh if this is a nice little I Can’t believe this is my job like this Is sick yeah really good when I’m having When I do a podcast interviews sometimes That thought comes into my mind you’re

Like oh like when you said earlier that This is our job yeah I was like oh this Is sick and just those moments of like Oh this is actually really cool like This is the life that I’ve been aspiring To and now I have that life so I should Enjoy it while it’s here yeah How do you think people can stay Grateful even when they’re not actually Living the life that they want like when They’re not living the dream yeah Um I mean I can’t pretend to offer Advice on this but I will cite Mo gauda Who’s uh has done loads of research into Happiness he said that Uh the key is to compare down rather Than compare up okay because it’s very Easy to compare yourself to someone who Is quote made it and be like oh I don’t I don’t have that lifestyle yeah but Really there’s a lot of benefits you get From comparing down and being like I’m So glad I have a roof over my head I’m So glad I’m not living in poverty right Now like I’m so glad like and and in a Way Being grateful for the fact that you’re Alive and in good health and yeah have a Job and or like whatever that thing Might be yeah and there’s always people Out there who have worse than you and so As crass as it sounds like comparing Yourself to them is way easier to be Grateful than comparing yourself to the

Influencer on Instagram who’s got five Million followers Yeah yeah how do you think about that I Think I just remind myself kind of the Way that you described like what I said About sitting here or if I’m spending Time with someone who’s making me very Happy I’ll be like wow I can’t believe I Have this person in my life or This yeah those reminders and I think When you do it enough they’re kind of Automatic you don’t really even have to Think about oh wait I should remind Myself at the end of the day what I’m Grateful for because you’ve kind of Trained your brain into Appreciating things throughout the day And Yeah those reminders kind of come Automatically especially when things Aren’t going well and you’re happy it’s A bit harder when you feel like things Aren’t going well and you You aren’t feeling that well it’s a bit More difficult finding things to be Grateful for even if there’s always Something to be grateful for but it’s a Bit more challenging but Yeah I think uh just a small moments and Being like wow I can’t believe I get to be in London today and I can’t Believe you know just appreciating that Not taking things for granted Any um so changing gears a bit are there

Any books that you’ve read that have had A big impact on your life to date yeah So I always say my favorite book is Stoner by John Williams oh it’s a novel I’ll check it out uh which might be Surprising you might think that a Self-help book or a non-fiction at least Would have the biggest impact on your Life but audible right now Um it’s a great book I wish I could read It again like for the first time Um and I don’t even really know why Because It’s not a book where a lot is happening Or where it’s this dramatic thing where You’re gonna find out what’s gonna Happen later and it’s a very It’s a very simple book with very Beautiful writing Um And I think it changed my life in a way That it just made me See the beauty in Simplicity in a way That I hadn’t really seen it before and It made me think about how fascinating People’s lives Are even if they’re not living A Extravagant lifestyle like everyone’s Story is interesting somehow like There’s so much happening in everyone’s Lives all the time even those who thinks That those who think that their lives Are boring or that they’re not

Experiencing enough things like just Being alive and going about your day Like there are always things that I Think are Fascinating to learn about anyone even If on paper they’re not like a Business owner or they’re not someone Who was achieved XYZ and you know I Think that’s what the book kind of made Me realize because the main character Stoner he’s a he’s living a very average Life yet it’s filled with so much Emotion and So many lessons so I think that’s what Threw me into it nice I’ll start Listening to it on Audible today yeah Thank you very much let me know what you Thought well thank you so much this has Been absolutely wonderful Um any final message for people who Might have listened to the three hours Of this is it yeah it’s like five O’clock now we started recording at like Two that’s crazy yeah any any final Potting words of wisdom Um ooh words of wisdom that sounds like Or just anything I’m a philosopher I’m a Philosopher yeah Seneca and all that I Think just uh Final words of wisdom I just don’t like seeing people waste Their potential That’s one of my pet peeves And

I just want people to try the thing that They’re thinking about Is that starting a Channel or changing Your major or moving out whatever it is That’s this itch that you have in your Body and in your mind where you’re like I can’t get this thing out of my mind This is your sign to try it and go for It and um See what happens ready well thank you Very much we’ll put links to all your Stuff in the show notes and in the video Description and thank you so much for Coming on thank you for having me all Right so that’s it for this week’s Episode of Deep dive thank you so much For watching or listening all the links And resources that we mentioned in the Podcast are going to be linked down in The video description or in the show Notes depending on where you’re watching Or listening to this if you’re listening To this on a podcast platform then do Please leave us a review on the iTunes Store it really helps other people Discover the podcast or if you’re Watching this in full HD or 4k on YouTube then you can leave a comment Down below and ask any questions or any Insights or any thoughts about the Episode that would be awesome and if you Enjoyed this episode you might like to Check out this episode here as well Which links in with some of the stuff

That we talked about in the episode so Thanks for watching uh do hit the Subscribe button if you aren’t already And I’ll see you next time bye