Are you afraid to lead? In this episode, Patrick Bet-David breaks down 10 signs explaining why you’re scared to lead and how you can overcome that fear.
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All right we're going to talk about 10 Different signs that you're afraid to Lead not whether you're ready to lead or Not because you're never fully going to Be ready but 10 signs that you're Actually afraid of leaders Okay so fear number one you are afraid Of making a decision that the sole Responsibility could end up being on you So you're always wishy-washy with a Decision God forbid if it's your Decision that possibly goes wrong here's The reality of it as a leader the shot Caller you have to call shots it doesn't Mean all your shots are going to be good Or bad but your team's gonna respect the Fact that you call the shot you executed And you took the responsibility and You're okay with that eventually your Percentage of making better decisions Will go higher but if you're afraid of Actually calling the shot and your Decisions could be a bad decision you're Always afraid of that you're never going To be leading a big crowd sign number Two you you tell a different story Meaning you spin the story a little bit Of what actually happens so for example Your boss is going to ask you your CEO Is going to ask you yeah we need you to Go do XYZ gonna have this conversation With the client or this employee that's Reporting to you or this vendor or this Partner and you go in and you don't say
Anything that you were supposed to do And you actually took the side of the Vendor or the customer you're like yeah I agree with well you know how it is Sometimes when you're dealing with them They're kind of tough to work with trust Me I see it as well myself you know so I Understand why you guys are so upset I'm Also upset sometimes when I deal with Them and you're not the only person Other people are also upset but let me Go back to talk to them then you come And you say so let me tell you what I Told them I told them this and I said if You don't do this we may not do business With you oh wow what an impressive you Know person that you're going out there But you spun the story because you were Worried of having the real conversation And you're like the guy that said I went In there I got into a fight dad you'd be So proud but that's not what happened You got a black eye and you came back And they won and you lost because you Were afraid of actually telling the real Story so the person you're reporting to Can give you feedback so you can improve A sign that you're afraid to lead sign Number three you are too concerned to Please everybody in your life let me Explain so to me in business Relationships you have three different Dynamics okay you have a dynamic of Those above you you have the dynamic of
People at the same level as you and you Have the dynamic of people below you That report to you too often people that Are too concerned about pleasing Everybody they are good with the people That report to them they're good with Co-workers but they're not good up here And that's a sign that you're never Going to end up being here because you Don't have the understanding of what These guys are at so rather than saying Well you know if there's a score we all Please people by the way I want to Please you you want to please me you Want to please your wife your husband Your parents your kids everybody but if The goal is to please 100 of the time You're not a leader those relationship Dynamics are different sometimes instead Of saying well yeah you know what you You really didn't do your thing this is The seventh time you were late you're Always late everybody in the company Knows you have a reputation for being Late you keep saying you're gonna Improved there and you don't versus wink Wink don't worry about it I know you Live you live far from here you're Always late I got your back don't worry About it you just undermine the person That is saying we got to raise the Standards hey the budget look you've Gone above the budget by 73 000 this was Your budget hey don't worry about it I
Got this listen everybody's above budget And no one's hitting their budget Numbers don't worry about it we think It's going to be okay that's kind of Like stealing money from the company Because you're not you're afraid of Telling people get your budget together Or your co-workers oh hey how you doing Man everything good you know everything Good oh yeah man he's tough to work with Her she's tough to work with instead of Saying hey they're bitching about the Boss and you are the leader and you say I'm sorry man I don't feel the way you Do I think that guy's got a very hard Job and a hard responsibility to be him Is a lot of pressure I don't want his Job and he's doing his best and I think We've got to have his back a little bit More quite frankly you don't have his Back all the time you're not that person Because you want everybody as your Co-workers to like you that's a sign You're afraid of leading Point number Four this one's gonna be tough you ready When his shoes are your responsibility Say you got five direct reports or five Customers or five projects you're Managing three projects you're managing And a conflict comes out rather than it Getting stuck right there or it getting Addressed with you and no longer coming Up again you create work for four other People meaning yeah well listen you know
Uh Patrick said no this is on Patrick's Calling it's not my call it's his call Oh because those people said no or these People said no so now that customer is Going to say let me talk to this person Let me talk to that person let me talk To this person your job of handling that You could squashed it right there you Just got three additional people that Have to do a 90 minute Zoom with that Same individual and you cost a lot of Money for the company and a waste of Time because you're afraid to leave and Manage that issue and Lead it right There we have a person in the company my Insurance company ticket back in I want To give him a quick shout out this guy Is extremely good at leading and Processing the issue there so it never Rolls up and it gets solved not like It's kind of like brushed aside and oh So you are you complaining no he Addresses it they process it and he Handles it and it doesn't roll up to me It used to be a time 10 years ago where Seven out of 10 would roll up to me then It went to five out of 10 then 3 out of Ten now it's one out of ten because That's a crisis and I have to be a part Of it but that's a sign of somebody that Is not afraid of leading because he Processed the issue right there and it's Addressed and we move on another sign You're afraid of leading you want to
Take credit for all the great ideas or The work that people on your team do to You and then you say well I came up with That I came up with this we had a person That we were working with many many Years ago he would come to meetings and He would present an idea and I'm like oh My God those three ideas who came up With these ideas he says oh I came up With all these ideas myself I'm like That's freaking incredible so every week He's coming out with these ideas Wow this is sick this guy's a solid guy Let me tell you what happened all of a Sudden one of the guys one of the ideas I said no to I'm walking out and one of Our employees comes and say Pat can I Ask you a question yeah one of the ideas I put a lot of time into and I heard you Rejected the idea I want to find out why I'm like What's that the idea was about That I'm not going to say the idea Because this is the idea I'm like that Was your idea yeah Okay good idea let me think about it I Didn't throw the other guy under the bus But I kept it here two weeks later Another person told me about an idea That I gave to this person so one day I Had to meet him because I'm not afraid Of conflict I addressed it with this Person I think a question for you who Came up with that idea I came up with The idea who came up with this idea I
Came up with the idea you sure Johnny Didn't come up with the idea You sure the other one Larry didn't come Up with the idea so I'm curious why do You take credit for the ideas that Others came up with what's the you Realize that's a sign of a person that's Not ready to be a leader you can give Credit it's not like you're going to get In trouble if somebody's a true leader They'll say something like let me tell You Larry came up with an incredible Idea that I think we ought to consider He said What do you think about this I think It's a greater wow that's good now I Know how humble you are how confident You are how comfortable you are in your Own skin you're ready to lead at the Next level because you're about building People that's very hard to find so this Next one it's a fear to lead you know What it is deflecting blame rather than Saying you know what this was on me I Screwed up here this this was our fault No it was that person's fault it was This person's fault you know what my Favorite is it's the equipment's fault The equipment can't do nothing about it It's the equipment's fault so now what Do I need to do call the equipment and Chew out the equipment hey Mr equipment Shame on you for what you did I can't Talk to the equipment someone has to
Take responsibility none of us like to Take the blame because it's not an Exciting thing to say but you know who Takes responsibility and moves on Leaders pick responsibility and improve Remember none of us like it and we've All been in a position where we didn't Want to take it and both you and I know That's not a sign of a leader so if you Don't do that it's another sign you fear Leading by not taking full Responsibility next fear this is an Obvious one I already talked about it Earlier fear of conflict you need to Have a very high level conversation with Somebody you delay for one day you delay For two days you delay for three days Four days five days one we lost decline There needs to be a high level Conversation of conflict with somebody Clients you know they're not happy with This thing they don't understand a Product okay I want to call him I'm Going to call him I'll call him tomorrow I'll call him the next day to cancel you Have an issue with a partner with a Vendor you have to have a conversation With somebody that keeps doing the same Thing over and over again expenses costs Late not hitting their deadline not Finishing their project making comments At work that you've told them to stop Doing that any of this stuff they keep Doing it you just don't want to address
It with them because you're worried I've Ran a sales team for a long time hygiene We had people in our office that had Hygiene issues nobody wanted to have the Conversation you know what was one of The ways that I always engaged if Somebody was a leader the person that Knew how to have the conversation and do It in a proper way which is my next Point I always knew that person was Somebody that could eventually be a Leader and everybody else I was like can You go tell them he smells can you go Tell them can you go tell them can you Go tell him I got this couple people They would come in it was an art one What a weird way to gain somebody is Ready to be a leader because hey Johnny Can I talk to you yeah Johnny you know Everyone loves you here yes can I be Honest with you yes so I'm comfortable You're okay with this yes you sure I Have your permission yes how often do You brush your teeth what do you mean my Breath smells yes it does and I'm only Telling you this because when it comes Down to sales if a customer has to smell Something they're going to figure out a Way to cancel deployment as much as Possible and your closing ratio needs a Little bit of help and we've heard from Some people how often you shower what do You use what stick do you use what do You use with this what do you use with
And then we bring a gift so here's what I use first one is on me second one is On you can we kind of work on this Together you and I and we keep this our Little project to work on yes fantastic Awesome great then obviously I'm giving You like a faster version of how it Actually takes place next thing you know The next day you know that person if you Do it in a gentle way that person comes To you and says hey just to let you know How do I smell and it was always funny I'm like like dude you smell good I said Look watch this like dude you smell good Dog let's go close some dude that's Awesome that person is ready to lead Because they're able to have difficult Conversations so some of you are Watching this saying you know what I got Seven people that smell bad I'm gonna go Talk to them today the point is stop Being afraid of having conversations That could lead to a conflict leaders Are not afraid the next one a fear that Many have you ready you know why people Fear having a conflict because they Think it's going to get ugly and it's Going to get nasty and it's going to get Screaming all this other stuff the only Reason that should happen is because of One thing and that's the approach we're At the Cigar Lounge the other day at the Boardroom we finished up the cigar we're Having our first cigar we're breaking
We're having a great conversation at Night one of the players absolute stud Of a guy Haas says which topic should You avoid bringing up when you're Working with people any subjects that You avoid I said you know it's crazy We're always been told don't talk about Religion politics all this other stuff I Said I never followed that philosophy Because I'm interested in those things And I want to know what people think Because I don't have all the truth and I Want to learn from people I said what I Learned over the years the problem isn't The subject the problem is the approach In which you address the subject let me Give a perfect scene of a movie for you There's a movie called The Roadhouse Roadhouse the movie by one of my Favorite actors of all time Patrick Swayze there is a singing in the scene He's talking to all the security guards That they're running this bar and it's One of those old acting that was like It's a it's such a like a fake acting But anyways it's like fun to watch a Great I watched this in so many times in The Army and they're asking a question He says you asked them to leave but be Nice instead of me doing the acting just Watch this short clip here somebody gets In your face and calls you a [ __ ] I want you to be nice Okay
Ask him to walk Be nice if you won't walk walk him but Be nice if you can't walk him one of the Others will help you and you'll both be Nice very simple concept address the Conflict but be nice and respectful Address the issue but be nice that's how Simple it is the only reason you fear Conflict is because you're not being Nice with your approach so Point number Nine is something all of us can work on All of us to ask before you soon so it's To be understanding only way you can be Understanding is by asking questions of What's going on sometimes we don't have Full context sometimes we don't know What's going on that person's personal Life or their life or what they are Dealing with this is why having a Relationship with the individual is a Good thing and asking questions how are Things how you doing what's going on What do you have with this what are you At with that and then they'll tell you And they say I've noticed certain Trends Lately that the numbers and the Performance and the way you've been Behaving is not what's typically matches What your common consistent trend has Something changed yeah let me explain to What's going on what's that and they're Going to open I'm going through a Difficult time my marriage my mom is Sick I'm going through it it's something
I'm going through it's really tough no Problem so show understanding and they Say I totally understand that you're Going through this I'm so sorry you're Going through this at the same time we Have a business to run and it's Challenging what level of expectation Can I have from you moving forward During this season of your life Pat Trust me I'm going to get back to what I'm doing okay great or Pat I don't know Hey how about we do this do you want to Take the next two days off go spend time With your family can I do that go take PTO do your thing spend time with your Family but when we come back on Monday I Want your best you have no idea how much I appreciate that's great no problem That's the part about having the Conversation as long as you're asking What they're going through it is our job To be understanding and if you do that You don't have to fear conflict last Point I'll make it for you easy not Gonna be long on this everything is About you all the decisions you make is How it benefits you if you're a leader The decisions have to be made with how It benefits the organization first venue It's a team over me mentality company Over me mentality when you're running a Company who has to get the checks first Who has to get paid first your Supporting Cast your team I didn't get
Paid for a long time when we started the Insurance company and every month my Savings were depleting because I need to Make sure my staff was getting paid Because they trusted my vision it had to Be them first before me I'm not telling You if you're an employee or executive Or director you should not get paid Someone I'm saying to you all I'm saying To you is when you're leading your team Think about what's in the best interest Of the company of the team of the vision Venue lead with that and if you come From that place more people will take Your Council your direction and your Vision I got a video to recommend to you About my oldest son watch this video he Sat right there Tico I think you want to Say something to everybody come on tell Us tell us what you're thinking I was Actually coming over here to say the Advice was good and I want to hear more About it because it was pretty Interesting it wasn't really I didn't Even expect him to say I didn't tell him To say this what did you learn from it Well basically yeah Conflict Is not bad as long as you deal with it Good okay when we have conflict do I Typically bring it up or do I wait a Week or two Um bring it up how often do I bring it Up fairly quickly when we have issues
Together You don't really remember so I don't Have tough conversations with you at all Okay That's why you're a leader buddy all Good okay I got two videos I want to Recommend to you but we do respectfully You know we do respectfully absolutely Because I I am no I I Patrick Gabriel by David Will one day be a great leader awesome Because that's our standard anyways two Videos number one it's a video I did on How to deal with conflict if you've Never seen this before there's eight Ways of doing it click here to watch This video the other one is a quiz we Created on learning how to drive Different personalities and what method Works with different personalities that You're driving including yourself if You've never taken a quiz before click Here to take the quiz either way take Care everybody bye bye Foreign
